Last week I started a 3 part series on overcoming the emotions of infertility. I wrote about how I took control of what I was seeing. Now, I’d like to share another big thing that helped me personally to overcome my emotions of infertility.
Part two of this series is about taking a set period of time for JUST you and your partner. Perhaps take a vacation, stay-cation, overnight, or a day trip. Just SOMETHING to literally leave everything else behind and just be with your spouse.
The entire time I struggled with infertility, both my spouse and I were extremely busy and overworked. It felt as if our weekly schedule was busy day in and day out, and completely exhausting at most times. That’s another story for another day, and I’m happy to say that’s all changing.
We were speaking to a couple we know who had also dealt with infertility, and the wife shared how she came to the point where she had to face the fact that maybe she waited too long and could no longer conceive. She how a wise friend of hers suggested that she and her husband plan a getaway in order to try to truly relax and reflect. Note-NOT to “just relax and it’ll happen.” But to relax for HER sake as part of self-care. My friend said she used this getaway as a time to surrender to the fact that whatever happens is God’s will, and to let go of being so obsessed with conceiving. My friend threw it out there that possibly my husband and I could do something similar.
Even though my husband and I were working so hard, we had little to no money to spend on a trip. Since I had recently started taking progesterone drops, my emotions were a MESS and I was exhausted mentally and physically. I desperately wanted a trip for just the two of us, and we were hoping to do a day trip or even possibly some type of overnight using groupon or an affordable airbnb in the spring or summer. Careful planning can stretch a little bit of money.
Then the unexpected happened. Someone we are close with wrote us a check and literally told us to go on a trip with it. God knows EXACTLY what we need when we need it. We decided to take a few days to go to Puerto Rico, as my husband is 100% Puerto Rican but never had been able to visit the island.
It was simply AMAZING to be able to disconnect from the cares of everyday life and focus on just the two of us. To reconnect and spend time as a couple without worrying about fertility issues. We truly just enjoyed each other’s company.
While I completely understand that a trip to Puerto Rico isn’t in everyone’s budget (like I said, it wasn’t in ours either), think of ways that you can disconnect from the business of the everyday and just spend enjoyable time with your partner. Airbnb and VRBO have some great options for any budget. Check groupon, or see if family or friends will let you use their vacation home, perhaps arrange a trade off of sorts. Plan a day trip or an overnight, which are very affordable compared to a full blown vacation.
The point is to use this time to relax and reflect. Anyone who’s dealt with infertility knows that it is stressful. Plan to disconnect and do enjoyable things. Reflect on what you DO have. Reflect on your relationship. See how far you’ve come and where you want to go as a couple. I was so grateful we were able to take this trip and I viewed is as a literal gift from God. I fully enjoyed every part of it. I purposed to do my best to fully engage in this trip and to NOT focus on my infertility. It is hard to put into words, but it’s as if I went on a retreat. I went away with a problem but came back refreshed with a new perspective.
There are many ways to put this step into action, and everyone’s tastes and budgets will vary. But if possible, I do recommend planning some type of couple time. Everyone needs to feel refreshed through any struggle. Taking some time alone can be therapeutic and may be part of what you need.